These Words from My Dad Which Saved Me when I became a First-Time Parent

"I think I was simply just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality quickly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her main carer in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get some help. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a wider failure to talk between men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a sign of being weak to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a break - taking a few days away, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they faced their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."